Grip the dark. Bukowski

I sit here

 drunk now

 listening to the 

same symphonies

 that gave me

 the will to go on

 when I was 22.

 40 years later

 they and I are not quite so

 magical. 

you should have

 seen me then

 so

 lean 

no

 gut

 I was 

a gaunt string of a 

man: 

blazing, strong,

 insane. 

say one wrong word 

to me

 and I’d crack you right there.

 I didn’t want to be bothered 

with anything or anyone.

 I seemed to be

 always on my way to some

 cell 

after being booked for 

doing things

 on or off the

 avenue. 

I sit here drunk now.

 I am a series 

of small victories

 and large defeats 

and

 I am as 

amazed 

as any other 

that 

I have gotten

 from there to here 

without committing murder 

or being murdered;

 without

 having ended up in the

 madhouse.

 as I drink alone

 again tonight 

my soul despite all the past 

agony 

thanks all the gods

 who were not

 there 

for me

 then.